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A role playing website based on Monty Oum's RWBY. Create your own character and weapon. Choose to protect the peace, or ruin it.
 
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 okin sikitnif

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armmoerdonix

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PostSubject: okin sikitnif   Tue Apr 22, 2014 8:01 pm

Name: okin sikitnif
 
Age: 19 third day of the second month
 
Gender: male
 
Species:  faunus ape
 
Symbol: none
 
Occupation: college  student
 
Appearance:6 foot 2 260 lb
 
he has short black messy hair that is never brushed his nose is short but the end of it is a bit larger than normal  he wears a black body suit   under his normal clothing with a leather harness witch holds many pouches in which he keeps crystals that he uses like grenades (more on that in weapons) the straps cross over his chest where there it clips shut over this he wears dark blue sweat pants a white t-shirt and a dark blue zip up hoodie. he sports combat boots as well. he has oddly hairy hands with thin fingers and the nails cut really short his eyes are kinda squinty and small. he is contently at war with his stubble trying to keep clean shaven but always misses a little bit on his chin. he has a tail but part of it got cut off in a fight with a beowolf leaving about a half inch stub. he has a lean build with small but muscular arms. he wares a flashlight on a chain around his neck. he keeps a few bitter leaves in his hair that he nibbles on when he is nevus.
 
 
History: his parents where explorers that looked for new places to set up cities (never succeeding) and died a year after his birth from falling off some ruins. spent a year living with some of the white fang until he was 6 when he was tricked into joining the circus with a bribe of cotton candy.  he spent most of his life in a circus fighting sedated grim for the audience. at the age of ten a beowolf bit off his tail leaving only a little stub of it left. around the age of 16 the circus was shut down due to unfair treatment of the performers. after losing his job he spent a few months on the streets he was taken in to informally train to be a hunter by a former professor of signal academy.  after a few years he was welcomed into beacon where he studies at to this day.
 
Personality: he is outgoing but kind of a sheep having been raised to follow the ringmasters orders. he is kind however he may make an insult without even realizing it. he doesn't mean any harm to people but he has a trigger finger when startled. he dislikes fish and nosey places but enjoys hanging out with a few people and fruit. he likes to sing as he fights a habit left over from his days under the bigtop. he likes card games but is not really good at them just playing for the moment and not planning ahead for later turns he has the same view in life.
 
Strengths: he is strong  and durable thanks to his ape like arms and good at close range combat by using fast strong hits. He is good at following orders and knows the weak spots on many kinds of grim.
 
Weaknesses: not a fast runner he has to depend on his hook shots to cover large distances. he is a poor strategist and relies on overpowering his opponent with fast strong hits
 the light he Web gives off can blind him just as easily as his opponents. He not used to fighting in groups

Semblance: bio luminouneses he can create bright blue light from his body  when scared this however drains his aura quickly if used in its brighter setting. His aure is average straight and  a little more then normal in amount but not by much he trys not to rely on it much like the light he gives off it is bright blue

WEAPON
 
Name: harmony and discord
 
Primary Form: katar daggers one white the other black
katar blade:
 
 
Secondary Form: they extend a few inches the blades in this form have five gaps in them to catch other blades. no other use
 
Tertiary Form: each blade can be used as a hook shot each at full length is 8 feet the blade in five segments pulse the tip which on impact poke out two spikes to grip what ever they hit. the hilt of the blades has a circular portion where the steal cable is held along with a mechanism to retract the cable which runs though the blade segments and into the tip. the handle has two parts when squeezed together a second mechanism this one spring loaded releases the cable and fires the tip out the blade pieces strung out along the length. when they the handles are loosened a small winch pulls it back in the spikes in the tip retract either after all the cable in pulled in or when a release button on the side of the handle is pressed.
 
History: these two blades where given to him at a young age by the ring master at one point there was a third which he used in his tail but he sold it after it was cut off. they where made originally for exportation purposes but was stolen and sold to person to person until it evenly made it to okins hands.



other
he uses blast crystals as explosives using the tip of the hook shot to shatter the crystal and detonate it he carries 6 at any given time


Last edited by armmoerdonix on Sun Apr 27, 2014 12:21 pm; edited 4 times in total
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SentientSnake
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PostSubject: Re: okin sikitnif   Tue Apr 22, 2014 9:48 pm

Okay, well, wow. Let me just fix up that coding real quick... Okay, on to the real review.

First off, every section needs more detail, try looking at some approved characters to see what level of detail we require.

As far as we know, a hunter's union does not exist, and since we know so little about the profession, I'd like that part to be edited. On a related note, does your character go to Beacon? If not, you may have trouble finding threads to join, so I recommend changing this

The semblance is odd to say the least, and seems to have little to do with aura. I suggest reading this to get a feel for what your semblance should adhere to. On that note, restrictions and downsides are great.

Again, pretty much every section needs more detail, especially history and personality.
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armmoerdonix

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PostSubject: Re: okin sikitnif   Wed Apr 23, 2014 4:25 pm

ok made some changes
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SentientSnake
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PostSubject: Re: okin sikitnif   Thu Apr 24, 2014 3:57 pm

Okay, I like that you've added stuff to the history, but some of that actually warrants asking for more detail. For example "and died after his birth from falling off some ruins" sticks out to me. Was he born on the ruins then his parents fell off? How long was it after his birth did his parents die? Rather than adding more events in his history, flesh out what you have already.

The strengths and weaknesses would benefit from some more detail as well, as well as a few more of each.

Now the semblance... Still very peculiar, I was hoping you'd adapt the original to fit the guideline better, but oh well. Anyway, what you have now still doesn't have a lot to do with aura, remember, semblances are a reflection of personality, not just an extra super power. I'd like you to reconsider your semblance, and if your heart's set on that ability, I can help you work it into a proper semblance.
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armmoerdonix

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PostSubject: Re: okin sikitnif   Sun Apr 27, 2014 12:22 pm

I was mostly trying for a Semblance that would not make him an overpowered fighter I changed it as well as other things
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SentientSnake
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PostSubject: Re: okin sikitnif   Mon Apr 28, 2014 12:03 pm

^_^; Okay, well, the ability of the semblance wasn't really the issue, but the fact that it didn't follow the rules of aura and such. In any case, this version is good enough I suppose.

Approved +1!

P.S. You don't have to put the number of edits in the title, that's already kept track of, I'm going to just take that part out, the other modmins can tell when a CS needs looking at by seeing who the last post was by or being told to look at it or just looking on their own.
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armmoerdonix

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PostSubject: Re: okin sikitnif   Mon Apr 28, 2014 4:08 pm

Thanks if I recall the rules correctly I now need a second person to aprove him before I use him
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xariasfury55
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PostSubject: Re: okin sikitnif   Mon Apr 28, 2014 8:17 pm

Just to be fair apes don't have tails, monekys do, but that's a small matter. Seems good to me though You could've added some more strengths due to his monkey-like(not ape cuz of tail. Sorry, i'm picky when it comes to stuff like this) heritage such as natural agility but that's a small matter as well. Aside from that, looks good soooooo....

Here ya go.

Approved 2/2!
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