RWBY: The RPG

A role playing website based on Monty Oum's RWBY. Create your own character and weapon. Choose to protect the peace, or ruin it.
 
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 Kazumi Lee

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Thousand_Moons

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PostSubject: Kazumi Lee   Thu Apr 17, 2014 10:51 pm

CHARACTER

Name:
Kazumi Lee
Nickname: Vortex

look:
She has white hair that goes to her neck with sections of black. She uses blue hair pins to keep her hair out of her face. Her left eye is a silver-gray, while her right is a blood red crimson. She has white bunny ears, but is usually hidden with her aura. She has quite a strong build because she trains a lot.

Age:
16

Gender:
Female

Species:
Mother Faunas Father Human

Symbol:
A blade being coiled by a snake

Occupation:


Appearance:
Her height is 170cm and in feet she is(5'7")Her uniform that she uses in battle are comprised of a short tight jacket with long sleeves that open up loose at elbow and short shorts that has a loose piece of black cloth connected to a belt that holds extra white dust if ever needed the buckle for the belt is a white circular buckle. She sometimes might have a long coat that bears similar design to her normal uniform with a long slash in the back of it so it doesn't hit her legs while running.

History:
Her mother has two different types of Faunas DNA one half being a fish even thought there is no physical appearance. The other being a rabbit, she has rabbit ears and has learned to use her aura as a optical camouflage for her ears. When she was 8 her family have been targeted by a group of slave traders armed with guns. Her family had been shot dead in front of her eyes. And her left eye had been hit with a knife which caused it to turn into a silver-gray color.
She had been taken by the thieves to be sold off to a company that used Faunas slavery for labor. But before she was taken away the police had intervened and stopped the deal arresting the slave traders and getting crucial evidence leading to new equal management of the company. She was adopted by a Chinese couple at the age of 13 and attended signal academy but avoided interaction with others because of her part Faunas part Human heritage. Because of this she always spent her time training and has a strong build.
When she was 15 near Christmas they had been involved in a house fire that had killed both of her foster parents. At their funeral there was Professor Ozpin and Glynda Goodwitch. Her foster parents had been friends with the two in the past and they had received a letter in their will about letting her join beacon if anything were to happen to them before she joined.

Personality:
She is quiet and timid in nature and does her best to avoid social interactions. However she has a separate personality that is triggered whenever people bully her too much. This will make her not hold back on her opponents no matter if they are friend or foe. When that happens the opponent either needs to be badly wounded by her or she has to be restrained until she is able to return to her quiet nature. She typically spends her time training and finding ways to improve her skills, whether it is physically or mentally

Strengths:
She can use enemy moves to help predict their next attack. But for this she would need to have a general idea of how their gear works, their type of fighting style and their strengths and weaknesses.

Weaknesses:
Sometimes memories of the slave traders will surface into her mind making her freeze. This happens sometimes if she hears pistol fire close to her. Sometimes she will rely too much on the enemies movement and if the attack changed suddenly she could be caught off guard. Because of her gear she does not have any armor underneath and that makes her vurnable to any heavy hits.

Aura:
Her aura is a navy blue color. She possess an abnormal amount of aura but she cant utilize it effectively without the assistance of Mugen. She also uses it as a disguise for her bunny ears since bullies kept pulling it back in Signal academy.

Semblance:
Her semblance allows her to send shock waves through Mugen. She can increase the strength by using white dust or the Mugen takes more blood. However this is a double-edged sword and will also affect her as well with a shock wave with about 1/10 of the force.

WEAPON

Name:
Shadow Crasher

Primary Form:
Her weapon is a pair of specially designed black knee high boots that use white powdered dust as a motion of propulsion even though it appears blue in the boots. How much is left is measured by a glowing line that goes from the top of the boot to just above the ankle facing the front. The boots are able to disperse extreme forces because of the unique materials and designs incorporated into it. When she uses the boots for jump it causes powerful kinetic bursts that go directly downwards from the sole will break apart the ground she stands on.

History:
When she was learning martial arts she had favored using her legs instead of fists. She had seeked advice from teachers and her foster parents.

WEAPON

Name:
Mugen

Primary Form:
Her blade is shaped like a japanese katana. The blade and hilt were made out of one chunk of black Grimm bone. Since it is one solid piece it wont break even under extreme conditions. When activated aura and dust blood through it, the edge of the blade sharpens and will take on the texture of crystallized blood. It will also emit a black smoke when activated.

Secondary Form:
When it is not active the blade will still have its basic shape but the edge of the blade will grow out of the handle and make it look like one solid rectangular piece. This form is typically used when sparring. Since the blade can not transform the katana will "float" right next to her waist.

Tertiary Form:

History:
Her Mugen is japanese straight katana that has been passed down from her foster parents. Despite their Chinese heritage the blade name is japanese meaning Dream, Fantasy or Infinite. She was told a story about a warrior who despite having no weapons fought against a creature of Grimm (basalisk) to protect his village. He held out for as long as he could but as he was about to face his demise the Basalisk spoke to him saying "Why do you fight?" He responded with "Because there are those that cannot peotect themselves. So I must help those that can't help themselves so that we might live on in this world." Then the baslisk opened its mouth and spat out a blade. "This blade is made from black Grimm bone. If you wish to fight for those. Then you must use this blade. It's name is Mugen. Treat it with respect and the blade will follow your will". With that the snake vanished into black mist and sailed with the wind.


Last edited by Thousand_Moons on Mon Apr 21, 2014 4:35 am; edited 17 times in total (Reason for editing : Found mistakes and wanted to make changes for the blade)
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SentientSnake
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PostSubject: Re: Kazumi Lee   Fri Apr 18, 2014 12:32 am

Um... Well... Hi. I should probably be nice and save you some time. Go watch RWBY, then come back and make a completely new character. 

Still here? Fine, here's what's wrong with this character and why it won't be accepted at all. 

First and foremost, your character has no name. Even if this is intentional, you still have to have the name section, with "N/A" listed. Likewise, the title of your post must be your character's name. Please read the rules of the site. 

I'm no biologist, but I'm fairly certain having two X chromosomes and a Y chromosome would mess things up. On the flip side, I'm not really sure how you can ADD a chromosome after birth, or if that would even matter. Unless he's a hermaphrodite, I can't really see the extra chromosome mattering in his gender determination. Again, I'm not a biologist, I'm a snake. 

Moving down to his species. "Half angel half devil" No. You may pick from either human or faunus as a species. Angels and devils, among other fantasy creatures do not exist in this universe. As far as we know, only humans, animals, faunus, and grimm inhabit the world of RWBY. 

Appearance: I'm going to deny the hair color changing on the grounds that it both doesn't fit the canon and isn't really possible. It's also silly. 

Your history has the same problem as most of the profile. It doesn't fit the canon of RWBY at all. That aside, it is lacking severely in the details department, and makes little sense. Another note: you mention him being nearly immortal in this section, which, ignoring the angel/devil part, is flat out against the rules. 

Personality is also severely lacking in substance. Beside that fact, it also contradicts itself. He is stated to be rather recluse and socially inept, yet does not hesitate to intervene in volatile and sensitive altercations involving racism. 

Strengths aren't really even strengths... Not hesitating is more of a neutral trait, being that he acts on impulse. Good at predicting moves is a decent strength, but you negate it by stating he rarely uses the skill. 

Weaknesses are fine, but like strengths, need fleshing out.

I'm flat out saying no to the semblance for the same reason as almost everything else, and I'll say it again, magic, demons, angels, and the like do not exist in the RWBY universe. 

The weapons don't make much sense at all, and again, there is no magic in this universe. The chains and the stick should be separate weapons, not different forms of the same weapon. Again, watch RWBY and you will understand this part better. 

Overall, and I think you've got the message by now, this character just doesn't fit in the world of RWBY, and therefore cannot be allowed on our forum. I'm sorry, but as is, I have no choice but to deny this character. I will give you 48 hours from the time of this post to respond. After that time, this profile will be moved to the MIA section, and eventually deleted. Reply here if you wish to keep the profile and adapt it to fit in the canon or if you would like it deleted so you may immediately submit a better profile. 

My personal advice is that you read our rules and FAQ, as well as get acquainted with the world of RWBY as well as what is acceptable on this forum. 
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Thousand_Moons

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PostSubject: Re: Kazumi Lee   Fri Apr 18, 2014 2:47 am

Could I have some ideas for weapons there is a RWBY weapon generator but nothing really pops up that I like
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DrGustave
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PostSubject: Re: Kazumi Lee   Fri Apr 18, 2014 2:08 pm

A large portion of the site is creativity. What is our character like? Is he aggressive or does he slink back to take long range shots? The Weapons in RWBY are really what define a character and it should reflect that your character is like just as your character should reflect their weapon.
 Also, Moving to MIA for the moment as this is technically a WIP character now

________________________________
Malina Eveningstar - The Angry Scorpion - Leader of Team EVAC
Declan Davitt - The Bladed Gauntlet - Member of Team WRDG
Tarra 'Skippy' Rosso - The Happy Squirrel - Ex-member of Team TAUP
Franklin Dillinger - "Boost"
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Kooplah
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PostSubject: Re: Kazumi Lee   Sat Apr 19, 2014 11:46 pm

Character moved out of MIA for review.

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Other Things: Kaali Charen Alban Skyn Event/Moderator
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Seiryuu24
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PostSubject: Re: Kazumi Lee   Sun Apr 20, 2014 10:24 am

I would like more details in the Strengths, Weaknesses, and Semblance sections. Overall the strengths are decent enough, I just don't like two sentence sections. Try expanding on each strength. For instance, does her ability to predict a move come from an ability to see into the future? (Note: This would count as a 2nd semblance and you can only have one.) Or, more realistically, has her training in martial arts taught her how to read the minute telegraphs that every fighter has that tells her what they are going to do before they do it?

I also prefer at least one combat related weakness. While the chance of gunfire causing her to freeze is close, I can't really count it. Now Kazumi seems to be the type that favors speed over strength and, as a small-ish 16 year old girl, I assume she is not very strong physically. Lacking physical strength is a weakness.

As for the semblance, I am on the fence. Since the effect of her semblance is also handled by her weapon it seems like you limiting yourself, which is fine if that is what you intended, but I want to make sure you were aware since semblances aren't something you can just change later on if you don't like it.

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Chiu Fong Wong- 1st year student heir of a dead clan
Myung Wen Tai- Experienced huntress driven by vengeance
Rebecca Meskenas- 1st year student with a terrible fear of shirts
Tiaria Azurine- Punch happy 1st year student
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Thousand_Moons

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PostSubject: Re: Kazumi Lee   Sun Apr 20, 2014 10:11 pm

Would it be alright if I allowed anyone to post on this topic. I really want to hear more peoples opinon on it.
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DrGustave
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PostSubject: Re: Kazumi Lee   Sun Apr 20, 2014 10:19 pm

Only character review minions, Moderators, and Admins may comment in a character profile thread, along with the creator obviously. You can always, however, go into chat back and ask for individual opinions there.

________________________________
Malina Eveningstar - The Angry Scorpion - Leader of Team EVAC
Declan Davitt - The Bladed Gauntlet - Member of Team WRDG
Tarra 'Skippy' Rosso - The Happy Squirrel - Ex-member of Team TAUP
Franklin Dillinger - "Boost"
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Seiryuu24
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PostSubject: Re: Kazumi Lee   Sun Apr 27, 2014 10:51 am

Moved to MIA 04-27-14

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Chiu Fong Wong- 1st year student heir of a dead clan
Myung Wen Tai- Experienced huntress driven by vengeance
Rebecca Meskenas- 1st year student with a terrible fear of shirts
Tiaria Azurine- Punch happy 1st year student
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