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A role playing website based on Monty Oum's RWBY. Create your own character and weapon. Choose to protect the peace, or ruin it.
 
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 Atlas Deimos

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TheGreatSpaceRace

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Join date : 2014-04-15

PostSubject: Atlas Deimos   Tue Apr 15, 2014 9:59 pm

Name: Atlas Deimos

Age: 18, 3/27

Gender: Male

Species: Human, (White)

Symbol: N/A

Occupation: Bounty Hunter

Appearance: Height: 6'5

Weight: 170 pounds (Most of it muscle)

Actual appearance: Imagine a very large and bulky male, now give him rippling muscles and very short, spiky hair. He usually wears a sort of black cloak, without sleeves, or a hood.

History: At the age of 2, Atlas was abandoned at the doorstep of an ancient temple outside any of the kingdoms. Atlas was raised by monks, and was their star pupil. Almost half of the monks there lost in a fight to a 7 year old  atlas, and the other half could barely beat him. When he was 13, he was trained in the secret art of Tajū seido pāmu, (Multiple Precision Palm), which only some of the most powerful warriors could ever dream of accomplishing. The entire art consisted of using 4 mechanical arms to block enemy attacks and counterattack swiftly and strongly. It took 3 years of intense mental & physical training to put the arms on, and just like planned, Atlas mastered them in only 1 year. Finally, at the age of 17, he left the temple to live his life, (I'm so sorry for this) only armed with his arms. Atlas took up the responsibility of hunting down criminals, and it was good pay. He became a master at it, just like everything else.

Personality: Atlas is calm, collected, and is trained to analyze situations to find a solution. But when he gets angry, prepare to have a car thrown at you. He is very peaceful, but he was born a fighter. He would never attack a helpless enemy, unless they provoke him.

Strength: Amazing muscle density, sees a situation not how looks, but how much pressure is being applied to an object.

Weakness: If angered, which is hard to accomplish, he would go to an unstoppable blind fury. He is a defender of what's right, and is predictable.

Semblance: He can see exactly how a weapon is going to impact an object, and can instantly analyze the way an action is going to play out.
WEAPON

Name: Gaea Gauntlets

Primary Form: 4 steel arms that sprout above and below each arm. They are the size of normal arms, and they are heavily armored, but the palms are the most durable and strong points, capable of breaking small swords that hit it directly. The Gauntlets are connected to the brain internally, and the arms cannot be hacked, as the don't use any type of code, but rather using artificial nerve endings.

History: The Gaea gauntlets were made by monks hundreds of years ago. They were specifically made for defense and counterattacking, and were only bestowed to warriors of the highest ranking and worth. Not much is known about the gauntlets or the monks who made them, but they are clearly made to absorb kinetic energy that hit them directly.
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TheGreatSpaceRace

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PostSubject: Re: Atlas Deimos   Wed Apr 16, 2014 6:28 pm

Are there even any mods out there?
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Kooplah
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PostSubject: Re: Atlas Deimos   Wed Apr 16, 2014 7:58 pm

We are out here! We are human beings with lives, and can't sit on a website all day and night awaiting new applications. Be patient.

That said, you're profile is... well. It needs work. Let's start from the top.

I don't quite understand why "Actual Appearance" is separated from Height and Weight. But that's not a big deal. However, a 6 foot 5 inches tall person that weighs 170 pounds, even if its pure muscle, does not invoke the image of a very large, bulky man.

Also mentioned is that he wears a cloak without sleeves or a hood. Does he wear anything else, or just this cloak?

Skipping over some things to to Weakness section. To truncate this a little, "If angered, becomes unstoppable." I don't understand how that is a weakness.

Semblance. Your semblance seems to work all the time without cost, and appears to give instant calculation and analysis of a situation that a computer would sometimes struggle to do. So... no. Change that to something else, or weaken it greatly, maybe it only works sometimes, etc.


The best way to finish the review is to blanket review everything. Your character is super powerful and amazing, with no weaknesses or imperfections in any way, and probably would be classified as a super-human. Basically, you need to rewrite the profile to be a lot less super amazing and awesome.

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Team Kyanos: Kirkka Scarlet Olivia Yakolev Nathan Khrysos Sacha Cichlid
Other Things: Kaali Charen Alban Skyn Event/Moderator
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"Speaking." Thinking. Doing. -Sign Language-
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Seiryuu24
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Age : 34
Location : Washington

PostSubject: Re: Atlas Deimos   Sun Apr 27, 2014 10:47 am

Moved to MIA 04-27-14

________________________________

Chiu Fong Wong- 1st year student heir of a dead clan
Myung Wen Tai- Experienced huntress driven by vengeance
Rebecca Meskenas- 1st year student with a terrible fear of shirts
Tiaria Azurine- Punch happy 1st year student
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