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 Mako Đại-Tá

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Wrecker
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PostSubject: Mako Đại-Tá   Sun Apr 13, 2014 1:26 am

Twelve Fourteen.


Last edited by Wrecker on Thu May 22, 2014 5:37 pm; edited 11 times in total
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Kooplah
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PostSubject: Re: Mako Đại-Tá   Mon Apr 14, 2014 10:11 pm

Couple things. Semblance mentions it can hide clothing. Does that include armor? I'm not a fan of invisible Iron Man.

Also, I'm uncertain how I feel about synthetic dust. If it was easy to make I feel like Dust wouldn't be a big deal, and I feel like its supposed to be a driving force of the world kind of thing. We'll see what another person has to say about that though.

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Team Kyanos: Kirkka Scarlet Olivia Yakolev Nathan Khrysos Sacha Cichlid
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PostSubject: Re: Mako Đại-Tá   Tue Apr 15, 2014 12:44 am

Twelve Thirty Four.


Last edited by Wrecker on Thu May 22, 2014 5:45 pm; edited 3 times in total (Reason for editing : Eeeey, post number 1234!)
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PostSubject: Re: Mako Đại-Tá   Thu Apr 17, 2014 1:15 am

The thing I don't like about the fake dust is that its just as good. If it was... almost as good, I'd be more okay with it. Perhaps cheaper to obtain, but not as good, therefore a knockoff. With it being just as good, it opens the possibility of simply manufacturing dust entirely, and possibly affecting that aspect of the world negatively.

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Team Kyanos: Kirkka Scarlet Olivia Yakolev Nathan Khrysos Sacha Cichlid
Other Things: Kaali Charen Alban Skyn Event/Moderator
Color Scheme#d70040 #a40031 #af7418 #2f7642 #1853af #545454 #b6ceff
"Speaking." Thinking. Doing. -Sign Language-
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Wrecker
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PostSubject: Re: Mako Đại-Tá   Tue Apr 22, 2014 12:32 am

Twelve Forty Eight


Last edited by Wrecker on Thu May 22, 2014 5:45 pm; edited 1 time in total
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PostSubject: Re: Mako Đại-Tá   Wed Apr 23, 2014 12:41 am

Okay so, did some discussing. Some issues that have come up vary from minor to major.

First, it seems unlikely that a 23 year old became a Lt. Col. already. Your history says you were bumped up to become guardian of the girl, but... it seems strange that you'd get a promotion so you could give someone a tour.

There is a lot of discussion revolving around Dai Altas. It seems like a potential hub for Mary Sue characters, as they possess ludicrously more advanced technology. Technology so advanced that they can create fake Dust, but can't weather a storm. I don't like the fake dust thing at all. I feel like it will clash with canon information about Dust in the future. I would be fine with it being a weakened version, but it can't be the same. The overall state of the place is... okay. However, I personally would like to see some more worldbuilding, and you do have an opportunity here to add some. Writing the history of this place, for example.

Regarding Mako, overall he seems like a super badass, being part of this small team that handled a huge amount of work, and was the only one to survive this storm in centuries, etc.

---

So, the synthetic ore part needs to be changed, regardless of their insanely advanced technological level. I just don't like it. Make it not as good as Dust, or a watered down version, or something.

I'm going to have others comment on this before deciding if I approve it, pending the discussion of the above topics.


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PostSubject: Re: Mako Đại-Tá   Tue May 06, 2014 10:08 am

Twelve Fifty Nine


Last edited by Wrecker on Thu May 22, 2014 5:46 pm; edited 1 time in total
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PostSubject: Re: Mako Đại-Tá   Sat May 17, 2014 12:30 am

Twelve Sixty Six
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